I am somewhat black and white when it comes to friends. But not at first as I usually have a lot of patience with people. After a while though, I take into account all my interactions, nights out, phone calls, everything and I analyze where I stand with people. I suppose the tricky part is to be able to clearly take in all the elements and your perception of reality. Like, have we fully taken into consideration someone's lifestyle or what is going in their lives before we deem them a bad friend?
But this not exactly a happy post so I will get right to the point; I can't stand false friends. This is a tired argument but it is still true in that good friends are hard to find. It's at times hard here in Italy, a triple challenge in the USA. My friend Santos from Rio who lives in CT says I am his only US friend and that doesn't surprise me. What I have learned from having friends here in Italy and having dated a bit is how to look at people's behaviors from a different culture's point of view for which Italians are somewhat good at spotting selfishness, arrogance and insincerity. I was accused of being selfish by my last ex, but when you are already an insecure person who trusts no one, then I question your judgement's of others. But that is another post.....if it ever comes!
I don't wanna name names here but I do have a number of friends whom I thought were better friends than they actually are and ever since I came here to live, it's been interesting to see who has kept in contact with me and who hasn't. One thing is for sure, when I go back to CT in Aug for my annual visit, I am gonna make sure I see people who are worth seeing and not fair weather friends. Living here, I dont expect to be showered with contact every day or even often. But there are some people who after a while have made it clear to me that they just don't make the effort and it's really sad when you consider the lenghty time it takes to send a simple SMS or message on FB or email.
Now, if someone doesn't want to be friends with me or even a friendly aquaintance, that's fine at least they are honest with their intentions. What pisses me off is when people are all palsy palsy with me in person then in the cyber world, I am lucky to get a Hi. I suppose all this explains why I have such unique friends from around the world in the sense that I don't care what your lifestyle is, who u hang out with or if we are worlds apart (I draw the line with people who lead dangerous lifestyles). I'll be friends who anyone who treats me the way I want to be treated. To be friends with someone who only have toys, cars, money and other superficial things to me is bullshit.
This makes me think more of America. It is so hard to find meaningful friends who accept you for who you are without looking for some edge or something to gain from you. As I recall back in America, I rarely had friends who tried to help me find a gf or to meet girls for that matter. (Some did though). I recall once, I was in a bar in my horrible hometown and I saw a dude whom I went to high school with. He was talking to some hot girl and didn't bother to introduce me to her. I can understand getting first dibs on her, but c'mon it's not like we'll be making out 5 mins after I introduce myself!
To not sound hypocritical, I do have friends that I don't see that often or make an effort to see or call. But I'd like to think that I don't do this to my good friends. I try to make the effort to stay in contact with my "inner circle" but sometimes I guess we all have to analyze who is in that circle. In the end though, I dont give people grief or shit if they dont keep up contacts.....that would change though if I got accused of not being a good friend.
My role has been clear to me for a number of years now, and that is that I am usually the one who iniates contact, I am the one who calls first; for the record, I make the effort. I suppose this is at times why I have more female friends than male friends; women seem to be better communicators. To end this, I will quote my father who always says, "If something or someone is important enough, you find the time and you make the time" Parole sante.
I believe I have made my point.
